So, after the disastrous week I had, I have some good news and bad news. The bad news is that I will have to move soon and unless I find somebody to take over my lease (soon) or I have to pay a huge fee to break the lease. The thing is that I don’t feel safe and another is that the law enforcement officers want me to catch physically catch the guy in order for them to really press charges and getting a good look at him won’t count. (I don’t think this would be a good time to practice my football/rugby tackles although the last time I did scare him off with a knife.) I filed a miscellaneous report but that’s all I can do. The resulting effect is that I feel so let down because crimes of a sexual nature don’t just stop. They tend to escalate and I doubt I would be able to contain my anger if I did catch the guy.
I do, however; got some good news. Well, partial good news. My dad claims to have found my passport! (Yays, if I can actually get my hands on it! He also claims to have found his.) The thing is that I have to get it renewed since it expired. There have, also, been some changes about my “citizen” status since then as well, and I’ll have to talk to HK and UK immigration about it. (The only other person in my family that was born in Hong Kong was born to a Chinese father and holds Chinese citizenship.)
It seems so strange that all my life I had no clue what my nationality was. What was my flag and banner? What was my national anthem?
I knew my ethnicity because that is pretty easy. I could just look in the mirror for that, but nationality was harder since I was born overseas to Vietnamese refugee parents. I always felt so lost because even though I was raised in America, I didn’t feel like an American. I was constantly reminded of that everyday because of the jeers I got from people. “Go back to your country,” they would say. It always broke my heart and because of my rootless existence, I felt like I had no place to call home. (I attended seven schools by the time I graduated.) No place to hang my hat or rest my head.
Despite all the years I have lived in the US, I still feel like a stranger stranded on distance shores. Yes, I speak English like a native with no accent, but even still I feel disadvantaged. It’s like I’m listening to a different tongue somedays. When I visiting my parents, I speak Vietnamese or French, but those languages also felt foreign to me. When I speak in either language, it’s always hesitantly , like my tongue is stuck in a barb.
My relatives like to tease me about it. I’m neither American nor Vietnamese to them, and as a result, I’m not very close to them.
My mother wants me to apply for US but my dad wants me to talk to the HK and UK consults first. So, I’m gathering up paperwork for it. My dad is a little more supportive of me going to school overseas since he’s seen how hard it has been for some of my friends to get jobs after they have graduated.
So, it’s official. I have a stalker that has been lurking outside my back porch peeking in on me. Watching me while I did mundane things around my house. (Even though, I keep my blinds closed all the time.) I don’t know how long it’s been going on but there is definitely someone and what upsets me is that nobody believed me. Mostly because I heard whispers and moaning late in the evening, it was dismissed as my mind playing tricks on me. (“It’s an evolutionary trait,” someone told me.)
Well, last night I got a nice threat. I finally heard him but didn’t see him. (There are two giant bushes that can easily hide a person and my complex is rather dark.) I called the cops from my laptop and waited what seemed like a lifetime for them to arrive. (My friend came over as well and crashed at my place. We barricaded the back door with boxes and hung up some curtains.) They searched my back porch and figured out where the creep was sitting but alas, since I didn’t see him. Nothing more could be done at the time and that unnerves me.
I remember looking one of the officer in the eye and saying calmly,” It’ll only get worse as time goes by. Sexual deviants tend to escalate.” I remembered they nodded their head slowly. It was a harsh truth and a scary thought. The theory is that this person was probably walking around my complex late at night looking into houses for some reason or other and happened upon mine and decided to come back. Each time getting bolder and bolder. (That means that I may not be the only victim.)
Sadly, I have a sliding glass door and if a rock hits it, there’s not much I can do other than run out the front door. For now there a tons of heavy boxes blocking the back and my friend will be crashing here until the guy gets caught or my apartment manager lets me switch apartments. My fear is that neither happens and to be honest, I can’t really afford to break my lease. (I have to pay three months at market value to do so. So that would be almost 3000 dollars to do so.)
But this is what’s going on so far and I’ll keep you guys posted if anything new comes up.
My friend and I were talking about student loan debts and he told me he had about 30k which shocked me. I thought my 15k was bad but his made me shudder. We chatted about how odd it was that gambling debts could be wiped out by filing for bankruptcy but not student loan debts. I believe that after the housing market crashing, student loans will be next. The main reason being is the economy. I have friends with masters degrees and they are having issues finding a job. How are they suppose to pay off their debts if they can’t find a job? Secondly, are the interest rates. I have seen some ridiculously high student loan interest rates. I’m talking double digits high. (I have a buddy with a 17% interest rate.) Lately, there are some talks of help for federal student loans but the private ones are still bothersome. Sallie Mae isn’t exactly the most understanding company. (I read of a man that had a 40k one only to have it default and end up being a 170k one.)
Of course there are people that believe that people who have student loan debit should live with the consequences. Sure it’s easy to take that route but education in America isn’t exactly cheap. (6k for one semester at my school not counting books and I had in state tuition and it was a public college.) Understand that many of the people that take out these loans are working to become your doctors and lawyers. Your kids’ teachers.
So far I have 15k left from the 18k that I borrowed. That’s barely a dent in it and I have been living very frugally. (I pay student loan, rent, utilities first.) My goal is to have it paid off before I head off overseas for school. (It’ll be about an 12-18 month plan and I want to have an associates in my hand before I go as well.)
In the past couple of terrible after terrible weeks, I had some time on my hands to really think. I have thought about all the things I wanted to do, but put off doing because of some reason or another. See, I was always a person that followed my head rather than my heart and… Well, living like that has made me realized that I need to enjoy life more. I don’t want to wake up and think that life has passed me by. So I thought about all the things I wanted to do as a child, the places I always wanted to see and… Well, I am an adult now, and I thought I make try them out. So, I have decided to make a list of the things I want to do by the time I turn 30. (It’ll be 2018.)
1. Live in another country even if it’s for a short while (I have decided I am going to save to study aboard and my French could use a LOT of work)
2. Read Dante’s Inferno in Italian. (Guess I would have to learn Italian first.)
3. Learn to ski or snowboard
4. Dance on the Great Wall of China
5. Actually learn to dance (Rather than look a marionette caught in a wind storm.)
6. Visit the Louvre
7. Fly a kite near Stonehenge
8. See the ruins of the Temple of Athena
9. Write a book
10. Visit a beer garden in Germany
11. Kiss the Blarney Stone
12. Run a marathon (Well part of it at least… or maybe take up running again.)
13. Finish my degree
14. Fall in love (Yeah… it’s almost halfway down the list…)
15. Get over my fear of rock fish and sharks and go scuba diving
16. Learn to drive stick
17. Learn to play the violin or piano
18. Learn the constellations
19. Build my own computer
20. See an opera live (Les Contes D’Hoffman is my favorite)
21. Learn to spin yarn (or do it once at least)
22. Visit my birth place (Hong Kong)
23. Finish some of my screenplays, short stories, and poems
24. Go mushroom hunting (For the yummy eat-y kind and not the, “Ohh… look at the colors…” trippy kind.)
25. Learn to ice skate (What’s with me and winter activities?)
26. Learn to whistle and snap my fingers
27. Learn to keep a diary (Rather than just write in in once every 3 or so months.)
28. Take up photography
29. Go deep sea fishing
30. Learn to be happy with who I am
I realize that some of these goals are going to be harder than others but I remember that nothing in life worth having ever comes easy. I have become restless. I fear that if I keep living the way I am, the landlocked blues will continue to pull me under until there is nothing left, and that scares me more than anything. I don’t want to be older and think about the what ifs in life. I want to enjoy life again. I want to smile like I mean it and play in the rain. I want to feel sand between my toes and see the ocean again. Those are my goals and I hope that I can complete them.
If anybody knows about going to school aboard I would really like some info on that. I think that would be hardest thing on my list but it’s something that I have wanted for a great many years. (About the last 4 or 5 years.) It’s not easy to start a new life in another country but both of my parents went to school overseas and took me along, so I know it’s doable. It’ll just be hard but I think the reward will be worth it.